Eleven Academic Resume (curriculum vitae) Mistakes
1. Include a photo of yourself in "The Thinker" pose. If the CV doesn't say this, posing won't.
2. Mention that you are an aerobics instructor--of a very high caliber, of course. (I actually saw this on a CV.) Jazzercise is out as well.
3. List your http://www.amazon.com/ reviews under "Book Reviews."
4. Note that you are thanked in the preface of a recent "graphic novel" (or, to use archaic, elitist language: a comic book).
5. Mention that you have stopped attending academic conferences because you find them boring and uninspiring.
6. Include a photo of yourself playing air-guitar. You're just a "fun guy" to have around. Not.
7. List the major academic journals that have rejected your articles. Hey, at least you try hard and aim for the top! Not.
8. Explain that your Dean once commended you for being the best-dressed professor in your department (which has one person).
9. Brag that you appeared as an extra in an indie movie that used big words like "semiotics" and "seraphic."
10. Include a link to a http://www.youtube.com/ video of you teaching on Descartes' first meditation while standing on top of your desk and speaking in French. The students where enthralled (but the search committee will not be.)
11. List that you are able to channel dead philosophers, thus insuring that you do not misrepresent them while teaching their ideas.