Friday, May 25, 2007

OnTruth Services

The following is an actual transcript of an OnTruth Services call:

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Hello, this in OnTruth, Emergency Apologetics Hotline.

Thank God, this is really serious...

Calm down, sir, we are here to help you.

OK, well, my daughter just got back from college for spring break and...sob...sob.

It's OK, sir, just tell me the apologetics problem.

She's a relativist! After we raised her to believe in Jesus alone. She thinks Jesus is OK for her, but that other religions work for other people. I almost came out of my skin. We are paying big bucks for her to go to Liberal U, and what do we get but...

Sir, settle down and listen. Does she actually know what the other religions teach?

I don't know. She said she has friends who are "into Buddhism" and that they are "cool."

Anything more substantial that than, sir?

No, I don't think so.

Good. Tell her what Buddhism really teaches: the self is unreal, salvation is found in dissolving the self in Nirvana. You have to be detached from all things.

What?

Sir, do you know anything about other religions?

I know they are wrong.

That's a start, but do you know their teachings on ultimate reality, humanity, salvation?

Uh, not much. But my daughter, she may go to hell!

Sir.

Yes.

Calm down. Then start to study. Pray for a cool mind and a warm heart. I suggest you read Are All Religions One? by Doug Groothuis, one of our board members.

Doug what?

G-r-o-o-t-h-u-i-s.

OK. But what about right now? My daughter is still smirking and saying "Whatever" over and over...

Sir, you have to think this through before you say much more to your daughter. And pray.

I see. Thank you, OnTruth.

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OnTruth: there for your apologetic crises 24 hours a day.

[This is a parody. But if anyone wants to start this up, let me know.]

2 comments:

Beth said...

Another funny and on the mark parody. For a curmudgeon, you certainly have a great sense of humor! I love the idea of OnTruth.com – there is such a need for it! I’m not volunteering to start it, but it is something I could see myself supporting. Maybe this is a crazy idea, but … maybe you could have a team of amateur apologists such as some of the readers of your blog, who could compose answers to questions that people email in, to be reviewed by a more expert apologist such as yourself. That way you wouldn’t have to spend all of your time composing answers, especially to the easy questions, and the amateurs could grow in their apologetic abilities until they become proficient enough to supervise others.

The Trousered Ape said...

I love the idea and would be willing to pitch in. I'm definitely a hack, but would be willing to help. :)

Shawn