Move over Twitter, your day is over.
Introducing: Jitter, the newest Internet instant ego-casting device. Jitter does Twitter one better. Instead of bogging down with words. Jitter allows anytime, anywhere emotivism through state-of-the art emoticons!
Jitter reads sounds you make into your Blue Tooth and translates them into strings of moving, multi-color, evolving emoticons. So, if you are cut off in traffic and utter a sign or groan or blast of outrage, jitter translates this into the appropriate emotion string to all your JitterConnections. If you yawn, Jitter is there, and will find the emoticon to best capture this precious moment of your autobiography for all to experience. If you laugh, the world laughs with you--through Jitter!
Any acoustic blast emanating from your mouth is translated instantly into emoti-mania for the jittering masses. And you have access to the ego-casting of endless others throught the JitterEye mini-screen that attaches to your Blue Tooth. Your Jitterisms can also be seen on iPhones, Blackberries, on anything that receives data!
This makes LSD look like 3.2% beer. It will connect our psyches, transform our culture, cure our loneliness, fill the howling void in our souls. And more, always more.
Jitter is word-free--beyond text. Words take too long to write and read and just get in the way. Jitter is the new way to spray the world with your viscera virtually. Text-less, word-less--join the JitterWorld. Now.
Showing posts with label Satire. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Satire. Show all posts
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Saturday, May 30, 2009
Introducing the Wiki Bible!
In our technologically participatory, ever-changing, ever-morphing data stream, it makes no sense to appeal to static texts, received traditions, stuff that is old and unchanging! So, in the spirit of Internet 2.0, we introduce the WikiBible.
In the mercurial and serendipitous spirit of the Wikipedia (that great boon to human knowledge and hipness and participatory epistemology and metaphysics), the Wiki Bible solicits your take on God, the cosmos, humans, salvation and anything else that floats your boat. The categories are completely open; the perspective are diverse (we worship diversity for diversity's sake), and the content is ever-changing, ever-new, ever-surprising, never boring--like those old chapters and verses marooned on pages stuck in books.
Create the WikiBible: from keyboard to theology with no holds barred, no ideas forbidden, no logic required! There are no limits as to what our shared reality may be, may become. You can deconstruct, reconstruct, resonstitute, reinvent, revamp, revise, redress the wrongs of an old God who never changes and never gets with it. God is waiting to be defined, illustrated, and massaged--by you, by us. Get busy, you hyperactive digitopians!
In the mercurial and serendipitous spirit of the Wikipedia (that great boon to human knowledge and hipness and participatory epistemology and metaphysics), the Wiki Bible solicits your take on God, the cosmos, humans, salvation and anything else that floats your boat. The categories are completely open; the perspective are diverse (we worship diversity for diversity's sake), and the content is ever-changing, ever-new, ever-surprising, never boring--like those old chapters and verses marooned on pages stuck in books.
Create the WikiBible: from keyboard to theology with no holds barred, no ideas forbidden, no logic required! There are no limits as to what our shared reality may be, may become. You can deconstruct, reconstruct, resonstitute, reinvent, revamp, revise, redress the wrongs of an old God who never changes and never gets with it. God is waiting to be defined, illustrated, and massaged--by you, by us. Get busy, you hyperactive digitopians!
Friday, May 02, 2008
Nina: Bark From Beyond
One must seize the day to be contemporary. So, my next book will be called Nina: Bark from Beyond. Books about dogs are hot; books by psychics are hot.
It was inevitable; it will be invaluable: a book about a dog's after death experience that gives transcendental wisdom to all! Nina: The Bark from Beyond.
Nina (named after my Grandmother) was my beautiful and smart Husky/German Shepherd dog, who lived (on earth) from 1964-1976. We grew up together. I still miss her. She was sleek, fast, and had a "million dollar bark," as my father used to say, given how she looked out for my mother and me.
But now she has barked from the beyond into my own inner consciousness. She is free from the leash, unfettered by materiality, unbound by human "masters." She is a master herself and ready to reveal all--from the other side.
Yes, I have started to receive messages from the beloved and departed Nina. In the stillness of my soul, she speaks. I know that bark, the bark of cosmic wisdom. It is hard to put into words, but without putting it into words, I cannot write a bestseller, so the bark becomes book, and the book may become a bonanza.
Nina has a message for the world, a message of hope--for dogs, cats, rats, men, and women, even Democrats. It is a bark to spark, a bark to harken to, a bark to hasten to, a bark on the mark.
Nina: Bark From Beyond, published by CosmicCanineCon Press, will soon be in a bookstores near you.
(This is, of course, a satire. For the biblical view of all occult activity, see Deuteronomy 18:9-14; Revelation 22:15; etc.)
It was inevitable; it will be invaluable: a book about a dog's after death experience that gives transcendental wisdom to all! Nina: The Bark from Beyond.
Nina (named after my Grandmother) was my beautiful and smart Husky/German Shepherd dog, who lived (on earth) from 1964-1976. We grew up together. I still miss her. She was sleek, fast, and had a "million dollar bark," as my father used to say, given how she looked out for my mother and me.
But now she has barked from the beyond into my own inner consciousness. She is free from the leash, unfettered by materiality, unbound by human "masters." She is a master herself and ready to reveal all--from the other side.
Yes, I have started to receive messages from the beloved and departed Nina. In the stillness of my soul, she speaks. I know that bark, the bark of cosmic wisdom. It is hard to put into words, but without putting it into words, I cannot write a bestseller, so the bark becomes book, and the book may become a bonanza.
Nina has a message for the world, a message of hope--for dogs, cats, rats, men, and women, even Democrats. It is a bark to spark, a bark to harken to, a bark to hasten to, a bark on the mark.
Nina: Bark From Beyond, published by CosmicCanineCon Press, will soon be in a bookstores near you.
(This is, of course, a satire. For the biblical view of all occult activity, see Deuteronomy 18:9-14; Revelation 22:15; etc.)
Monday, April 14, 2008
Screen Them In
It is a revelation. It is efficient. It it technologically savvy. It is market sensitive. It works.
Screen them in.
Many churches fail because their pastors are not with-it, not informal enough, not funny enough, not big enough personalities. Some even have bad hair.
They are so, well...yesterday.
Screen them in.
But we all know pastors who are road-tested, the real deal, the high-octane. They command huge audiences each week. They stand before mega-congregations of adoring and money-giving people. They make us laugh. They make us cry. They sit comfortably on bar stools. They make us comfortable. They are positive. They never scold. They always smile. Their teeth are perfect. They are telegenic. And that hair-positively supernatural!
Screen them in!
We no longer need worry about training huge numbers of pastors--many of which will fail anyway, unable to win market share--to brave the hostile world of picky consumers.
Now we can screen them in--the superstars, the darlings of the stage, God's annointed. For every live performance of a sermon, there can be an infinite number of video presentations of that same sermon, anywhere in the world! Local worship leaders and coordinators can provide whatever local color is needed, but the sermon is always taken care of, always on target, a product you can trust.
Screen them in--or they will screen you out.
For more information, contact: http://www.losingoursoulforrelevance.com/.
Screen them in.
Many churches fail because their pastors are not with-it, not informal enough, not funny enough, not big enough personalities. Some even have bad hair.
They are so, well...yesterday.
Screen them in.
But we all know pastors who are road-tested, the real deal, the high-octane. They command huge audiences each week. They stand before mega-congregations of adoring and money-giving people. They make us laugh. They make us cry. They sit comfortably on bar stools. They make us comfortable. They are positive. They never scold. They always smile. Their teeth are perfect. They are telegenic. And that hair-positively supernatural!
Screen them in!
We no longer need worry about training huge numbers of pastors--many of which will fail anyway, unable to win market share--to brave the hostile world of picky consumers.
Now we can screen them in--the superstars, the darlings of the stage, God's annointed. For every live performance of a sermon, there can be an infinite number of video presentations of that same sermon, anywhere in the world! Local worship leaders and coordinators can provide whatever local color is needed, but the sermon is always taken care of, always on target, a product you can trust.
Screen them in--or they will screen you out.
For more information, contact: http://www.losingoursoulforrelevance.com/.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
