Wednesday, March 28, 2007

The Philosophers Guide to Easy Money

All the books out on making money simply, naturally, supernaturally impress me. Everyone has an angle on the mighty art of capital accumulation. Everyone has their own secret for manifesting material bounty. Why not philosophers?

Easy Money the philosophical way:

1. Read big, difficult, much-known, but little read books--like The Critique of Pure Reason and The Meditations. People will throw money at you out of respect and awe and fear.

2. Teach philosophy at a medium size Christian college. That means teaching four to five classes per term at very low pay. You will probably not be able to write much either, since you will be helping students to differentiate their syllogisms from their aphorisms and Transcendental Idealism from Transcendental Meditation. But one of your students may become rich--after changing their major from philosophy to business--and end up hurling money at you out of deepest gratitude. It could happen.

3. Start a philosophy blog and include a link to a wish list on Just wait for the goodies--philosophy books, of course, but also protein powder, Farberware, and jazz CDs--to arrive by the truckload in the mail.

4. Ask friends and relatives difficult philosophical questions, such as, "How do you know that this state of affair is, in fact, the case?" or "Did you know that your postulate is based on a particularist epistemology?" or "What do you think of the Gettier problem after all these years?" These juicy chops are sure to win you a free dinner or glass or wine quite often.

5. Build a philosophical T-Shirt business. There isn't very much competition. Put philosophical one-liners on the front and/or back of the T-Shirts such as, "Nothing, nothings"--Heidegger. "What is, is"--Parmenides. "Nothing is more to me than myself"--Max Stirner. "I pose, therefore I am"--Bono. "I believe everything--just a little bit"--Marilyn Monroe. And so on. It has to work.

After using these guaranteed, sure-fire, have-never-failed principles, be sure to launch some cash in my direction, because I'm just a poor philosopher to seeks to find truth through reason for the purpose of benefiting existence.


Michael Russell said...

Too funny for words.

Craig Fletcher said...

I think you're on to something with the T-Shirt idea, I'm serious. Let's get started on this!

What about one that says TRUTH = REALITY

So what's your favorite wine varietal?

Mike Austin said...

The shot at Bono is unwarranted. Only a lack of understanding of U2's music, art, and his own description of his faith would lead one to make such a claim.

D. A. Armstrong said...

You might pick up the quote by Plato or Socrates (for the life of me I can't remember which right now) on marriage.

Front "By all means marry. If you find a good wife you'll be happy."

Back "If you find a bad wife you'll be come a philosopher."

Danny Wright said...

Bill Gates and his ilk are certainly not my heros. Here today gone tomorro, then who will spend his millions... oops....sorry, billions? You, on the other hand are my hero. You've been on the front lines and looked the enemy in the eye, something I've never done due to fear and weakness. A very wise man once said "buy wisdom and do not sell it", Another one quoted those words in his book as he was attempting to teach me how to go about this. You have chosen refined gold and are helping those who have the eyes and ears to know it-to do the same. Thank you.

Douglas Groothuis, Ph.D. said...

I knew I'd get somebody with the Bono quote! Impishly, DRG

Anita and Bruce Hensley said...

actually that Bono quote was right on! i'd buy 10 of those tee's right now... esp. if they came in red

Mike Austin said...

You did get me. I just can't help myself defending Bono.
And to the person who thinks the quote is right on, read Bono: In Conversations.
Great statement of his faith.