Screwtape Writes Again: Education, for Hell's Sake

My Dear Wormwood:

Let me continue my theme of making the little creatures ignorant of the manifold errors of their supposed Creator. The One Above, inasmuch as we can discern what he says at this point, desires knowledge of himself and the world. Yes, he calls for faith, but a knowing, understanding faith. We need to confuse all of this in the mind of the Christian. To do so, we must target their philosophy of learning. I say this to instruct you on dealing with your charge, that loathsome seminary student. (By the way, make him sound sanctimonious every time he tells anyone is he "a seminary student.")

Ah yes, we have come a long way and have done much good work, Wormwood. The result—hordes of people are well-informed ignoramuses!

1. Pound them with data from all sides through technology.

2. Remove the context in which the data may become knowledge and be truly transformative in their lives. (One of our meanest foes, D. James Kennedy (now out of our reach), hosted a radio program called “Truths That Transform.” That is exactly what we cannot abide: truths that lodge in the souls of these vermin.)

How may we accomplish this method? Let me count the ways!

1. We love efficiency and so do they. It is the unacknowledged, taken-for-granted value since The Industrial Age (which, I may add, also gave us much material for that precious metaphor “man as a machine,” and so on). So, make education efficient. That means getting degrees quickly and easily, increasing class size, detaching learning from environments littered with real people in all their messiness, etc. Learning usually suffers! What a great irony.

2. They love everything Internet. In fact, it has become lust, our old friend. So, put “education” on-line and don't let them realize what they lose in the process. Sure they gain some things and we experience some losses. These learners will pick up a few facts, get a grade, and be on their way to degrees, but will never have to be in a room with those flesh-bearers and will never get to know their teachers; nor will their teachers now them. (As I remember hearing, the Son of the One Above required his followers to spend a ridiculous amount of time with him and really meddled in their daily lives in the name of "love." We don’t want anything like that to happen now. Think of the damage it did to our cause then. These “little Christs” actually learned to cast us out of people, which is their rightful location. I am told this really hurt. It hurt more with the Boss Below found out. Well, let’s move on. They don't do much of that anymore--at least in America.)

The Internet dematerializes everything, so to speak. Matter is over-rated, as you know. We are the spiritual ones. We have no bodies at all, and it affords us so many advantages: all that bulky stuff with its secretions and malfunctions—we know nothing of it. So, the more we can dematerialize their earthly life—put them out of touch with each other as creatures in space and time—the better. (Some of them think of the afterlife as entirely immaterial, with no resurrection in sight. And these people own--and sometimes even read--Bibles. There is this insufferable and prolific Anglican bishop who has been writing against this for some years. We have a new campaign aimed at his disinformation.) Encourage that Gnostic impulse that came in after the Rebellion. Whenever I am sad, I think of the Gnostics--past, present, and future. It is one of "my favorite things," as their miserable song puts it.

3. You know full well, Wormwood, that we cannot be too careful about what they read. That enemy propagandist, C. S. Lewis, was lost to The Cause Below when he started reading material from the other side. What plans we had for him. In fact, he wrote, “A young atheist cannot be too careful about what he reads.” We tried everything on him, but lost. And now many earthlings read his ludicrous arguments for Christianity—or at least they say they have to appear pious. We must not let that kind of thing happen again. Real logical argument always ends up serving the other side. Yes, Lewis had a larger than normal intellect (to put it mildly), but event the more modest creatures become far more hazardous and odious to us when they read certain books seriously. How I yelped with delight upon reading those recent reports from The National Endowment for the Arts. Most Americans don’t read a single book in a year! And consider the kinds of books they do read when they do. Think: Oprah.

How to do it? It is deliciously simple: Distract them with other things. The television leaves no room for reading. Put a TV in every room. Make them huge and magical. Keep them on all the time. Have people spend more on TV and accessories than on books and thoughtful magazines. And no church libraries, for hell’s sake! We are nearly victorious in that campaign, I’m proud to say. In fact, I know of a church that began small, but prized the intellect (even apologetics). I was worried. I bid off a lot of my claws over it. They were proud of their little church library. Then, the church grew like a weed--and was just about as pretty in so doing. Hundreds flocked in and the library was first neglected, then sacked. Oh, what a bunch of well-informed ignoramuses we have there now—along with music so loud that it makes thinking impossible.

There is so much more, but get to work on your man now. The place where he is has a huge library, after all, and some very knowledgeable teachers. It is dangerous to us. Inform him, by all means; make him proud, proud that he is “well-informed.” He is busy getting facts, but keep him empty of knowledge. Remember, I am watching you, as is our Father Below.

Your Affectionate Uncle,
Screwtape

Screwtape Writes Again: The Luciferian Laptop

My Dear Wormwood:

Your new charge is a seminary student, a young man of twenty-eight years of age, with plenty of idealism, but little experience or knowledge of the Bible or of his own soul. Make note of that! You know how our Father Below loves ignorance and reckless enthusiasm. The propaganda on the other side says that "fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge." So, we must be on our guard not to let these pious pussy cats get too much of it. Better to give them "blind faith," which we can spin as the deeper spirituality. Since we love darkness, the "blind" part fits us so well.

I'll have much more to say to you about tempting this miserable creature, but let's start with a blind spot that we get so much mileage out of with so many: technology. Yes, yes, I know we have experienced some losses to the subterranean cause at the hand of technology: the Utopian and unrealistic Christian message has gotten around the world through technology. But let your man think only about the reach of technology, not its subtler effects. Your man has been accustomed since his earliest youth to have it dancing around him and dancing within him. He never gives it a second (or even first) thought--except on how to use it. Oh, how he can use it! He got an iPod as soon as he could afford one. He "traded" music files before it became illegal. I must add, in my sublime humility, that I myself invented that term for theft--"trade." Oh, how the suckers ate it up.

Well, back to business. He was raised in front of the television, never drives without music or the radio on (and got satellite radio as soon as it came out), he takes his laptop everywhere and has been known to sit for hours with his friends while playing on it (while they play with theirs). I once spied him with his iPod blasting in his ears while he was looking at his lap top and talking on his cell phone! It made my week. He seldom reads, but was able to get a 3.5 GPA at the university by his native smarts, a lot of BS, and plenty of easy classes filled with PowerPoint graphics, film clips, and so on. And he thanks God for all of it. How I love this kind of faith. It is positively contagious in America: so much money, so much freedom, so little knowledge. We are doing well here, Wormwood.

Now, here is your plan. This seminary (as they call them) can give him seminal thoughts about the enemy--you know, all that rot about his holiness, power, love, wisdom... I just cannot go on. He will have entire classes on theology (but none, thank darkness, on demonology), the Bible, and apologetics (the thing we hate the most; rational thought in service of Christianity is just too dangerous). It could truly be harmful for our Luciferian cause if that young man realizes the possibilities these years could afford him. He could become a person of knowledge and wisdom--or at least be well on the way. If so, he might even make our Top Ten Hit List in his town when he takes a church.

But do not fear, we have an ally: technology. These besotted earthlings love their gizmos. In fact, they often worship them. (Really, they do. They are transfixed by them, amazed in the presence of a new one, and heartsick when one of them fails to satisfy.) They think these devices are neutral tools, and they always need more tools. They have become "tools of their tools," just as Thoreau said before we even invented television. They never apply any of their precious theology to how or whether they use technologies. Even in all their precious prattle about "mentoring" and "spiritual formation," they never think of how technologies might affect their souls. And, oh, how I love this ignorance! It befits them, the slimy believers.

So, here are the specifics. I get bat-bumps just thinking about it! Tell your charge that he must do as much as he can while in seminary. He must multitask. Why stop now?! He must bring his laptop into the classroom and never be far from it. Tell him that he needs not to only take notes on it, but to scan the Internet for related articles, stories, photographs, and more. Then tempt him to send emails, check his E-Harmony page (more on the possibilities of postmodern, digital romance in another letter), to shop, and to play video games. Any twinge of conscience that he is not fully attending to the professor or that he is not being respectful can be blasted in a moment by telling him the following:

"You are young. You are a digital native. You know how to use all these devices and you can do them all well all the time. The old professor can be interesting, but he is tethered to the past. He is a digital immigrant. He doesn't get it. He doesn't even send text-messages and hasn't figured out his cell phone. In fact, the cell looks like a pet rock it is so primitive. So, pick up the highlights of the lecture (especially when he starts yelling), but keep exploring the gigantic world of the Internet. You can do it all, be everywhere all the time."

There it is, Wormwood. You may be surprised just how effective (and humorous, at least to us) this strategy is in keeping knowledge and sobriety away from your charge. And, for hell's sake, do not let him read Jacques Ellul or Neil Postman.

Your affectionate uncle,
Screwtape.