Obama: The Content of their Character and Knowledge
"I came into office offering change you can believe in," Obama read from his telepromptor, which has now been directly wired into his brain in order to avoid stuttering. "It is simply wrong that these well-educated and well-intentioned intellectuals face an uphill and perhaps pointless battle simply because of the color or their skin, their religion, or their gender. Let them be judged by the content of their character and by their knowledge, not by the accidents of pigment, plumbing, and piety. Therefore, my first act in office will be an executive order to banish all affirmative action policies in education that discriminate on the basis of race or gender or religion. Further, I will authorize massive subsidies to colleges, universities, and community colleges to hire more philosophers on the basis of their philosophical competence and nothing else."
(Yes, this is a parody.)